January 2012
1 post
December 2011
1 post
3 tags
May 2011
1 post
“There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t because I thought I’d be...”
– Meredith Grey; Grey’s Anatomy Season 7 Episode 22
April 2011
3 posts
3 tags
Rose Cordial ♥
1 quart rose petals
“a little more than 1 quart” water
Another quart rose petals
1/2 to 1 pound sugar
1 to 2 quarts brandy, vodka or grain alcohol
1 ounce broken stick cinnamon
1 ounce coriander
Pour lukewarm water over petals. Cover and let stand for 24 hours. Strain, squeezing the petals as hard as you can muster. Add the second quart of petals into the rose water. Stand...
March 2011
1 post
I don't even like cats
Usually, following a break-up, I’m a mess. This time is no different. However, I’m not licking my wounds and drowning in Ben and Jerry’s Mint Cookie. I’m sick with guilt over this: My ex is hurting, miserable and devastated. I did it. I used to think it was such a crock of shit when people would say they loved someone but weren’t in love with them. I’m one...
January 2011
1 post
“A person who cannot imagine the future is a person who cannot contemplate the...”
– Alan Lightman (Einstein’s Dreams)
October 2010
1 post
What does he think? I’ve been sitting here, with bated breath, anxiously waiting for his call? As far as endings go, ours was not tragic. There was no shouting and no tears. It was anti-climatic. You drove me to the airport. We hugged and kissed goodbye. As I walked toward the sliding automatic doors, I willed myself not to turn around and steal one last glance. Me being me, and my...
August 2010
1 post
Nowhere
It’s laughable. I went to dinner with my ex tonight. We’ve been wearing our friends’ hats for quite some time and it works for us. I’ve moved on and I love my boyfriend. Still, it was like being slapped in the face when I heard ‘my girlfriend’ come out of his mouth. I think I did a good job of appearing uneffected. Except, wanting to appear uneffected...
July 2010
4 posts
Why can't this end?
It’s 5am and I can’t sleep, I’m crying again and I feel lost and weak.
I found his telephone bill, its my account.
The night we broke up, he’d been with her.
Drunk, he’d called me to pick him from up from to bring him *home*
And since that day, he’s lied about them, not having the decency
to show me his true face
even now, when he’s walked away.
And
I’m no good now.
I cant cope,
I...
Crossing bridges
Yesterday. He turned up at the door.
He looked the same but different, not my Gareth,
he reminded me of another time, when I loved him.
I’m different too.
Old beguiled me would have been happy to see him standing there
Old stupid me would have reached out and pulled him close
planting kisses and smiles on his body.
But I’m different now.
Yesterday I opened the door and
...
Things we never listen to.
But
I’ve been thinking about him a lot today, finding out the things my family would never tell me
Things I wouldnt have listened to.
And I remembered a conversation between his ex girlfriend and I. She admitted she had left him because she had
known they wouldnt have worked, her parents. friends and family hadn’t liked him.
I was at the honeymoon stage, through rose tinted glasses I...
Not waiting to exhale...
Its been 15 days since he left, I only know this because I had to stop and count them.
I thought it had been longer.
I haven’t been counting the days, or missing him (all the time)
I’m not heartbroken, or devasted or pining away waiting for him to come back.
I’ve been waking up, becoming stronger, lighting bridges and watching them burn.
Growing, and glowing, smiling, and happier, enjoying...
June 2010
9 posts
day5
I’m not ok.
I’m not anything.
I want to stop feeling.
I want to stop thinking.
I want to stop remembering.
I want to stop missing him.
I want to just stop.
Today I made it to 12.55
I want to stop crying.
day4
I was doing OK.
Really, I was doing a little bit fine.
I was beginning to grow into the space that was left.
becoming acustomed to the weight of the hurt.
I was still missing Us, still feeling abandoned and lost
but no tears today,
I was doing OK.
The text came, I saw it at 4.30.
a handful between us, I don’t want to see him, I will sort out moving the car, his stuff
I told...
1 tag
day3
And I hold back the tears till half past 3 when I’m driving home
and the realisation punches me hard - He’s left me.
The hurt is unbearable
I pine for 5 days ago when I could touch him, hold him and wrap myself
around him, I could love him naively, trusting that I would never be living my days
counting breathes that arent weighted down with tears.
I can’t see through the...
“My life has been one great big joke A dance that’s walked A song...”
– Maya Angelou
day2
First tears of the day at 05.55. I’m doing better, I’d been awake for 15 mins.
I was looking at the wall, at the pink fairy lights he had brought for me, and realised
I’d have to pack those too.
The room’s a shell, full of traces of him, of us, of smiles and love.
My love.
He cared.
He loved me like he loves his parents
Not like a girlfriend.
and I’m not precious enough to want to hold...
I woke up crying this morning.
Last night he told me he didnt love me.
I was a wonderful woman and he was grateful for all I had done for him.
I was so happy to hear that it wasnt me, it was him, that this morning I woke up crying.
So now I’m standing watching him pack my memories of him into boxes,
he tells me he doesnt want me, need me or love me, he hasn’t fancied me for quite some time,
I feel stupid for not...
May 2010
1 post
http://ireadiwrite.tumblr.com →
Musings on life and shit.
February 2010
1 post
January 2010
2 posts
I don’t miss him. The ‘him’ never really existed. So, no I don’t miss ‘him’.
He ruined it.
I’m happy we’re friends. I don’t see how it could ever be more, with the ending we had.
He just doesn’t look the same to me.
“I shut my eyes in order to see.”
– Paul Gauquin
November 2009
1 post
October 2009
2 posts
If it’s ever right, there won’t be any guess work. You’ll just know. I hope. Sometimes, I’m terrified of being one of those people that talk themselves out of what could have been a defining moment..
September 2009
13 posts
Three months ago, I never thought I’d run into you. And then we are talking on the phone and replaying the last time we saw each other. And then a few days go by and not a word.
I’d just given us the code blue. I thought, ‘well hell! Just how long am I going to fuck around in what-if?
And then you called. Your phone was broken, like no display and wouldn’t even...
im thinking
i have figured out why my love life is so screwed up.
i haven’t been forwarding those stupid chain texts.
Only words, or why how to forget the guy is really...
He has been away, a stag do with the guy’s. I feigned indifference to him not being here, but secretly I was happy and looked forward to the comfortable space his absence would create. I’m tired of running between maybe and never.
But the distance has not kept me out of his grasp. He sends texts that are sweet and funny complete with declarations of love and signature kisses. My...
Adele Best for last. 1 of 2 songs that make me...
“Better by far you should forget and smile than you should remember and be sad.”
– Christina Rossetti
Breathing. Or how to knock the smile off his face.
I’ve been ill
Fortune smiled down on the feckless fuckwitt and before I had the chance to flex my kerb kicking leg, he was by my side, concern filling his green eyes, weary with worry instead of guilt, he shook off his disgrace and slipped into his hero costume and began to relax.
I inhaled.
The return of his confident smile annoyed me, It irritated me watching him slip back into the...
“I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you...”
– Unknown.
“No need to worry, you’ll always be my only one.”
– ayrayray
August 2009
21 posts
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than...”
– Anais Nin
What foods start with the letter u?
“The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man...”
Things I wont ever forget or how to tell he is...
…the mesmerising sight of him sitting in my car, denying that he was still in contact with her, sweating. Hard, like an actor under the lights.
I watched as first, beads peppered his brow and his top lip. His hair dampened along his forehead as the sweat made salty tracks down his face, into his beautiful green eyes, joining the pool collecting at his chin before falling off.
I stiffled a...
