tumblinas.

Only words, or why how to forget the guy is really no good for you anymore.

He has been away, a stag do with the guy’s. I feigned indifference to him not being here, but secretly I was happy and looked forward to the comfortable space his absence would create. I’m  tired of running between maybe and never.

But the distance has not  kept me out of  his grasp. He sends texts that are sweet and funny complete with declarations of love and signature kisses. My lost heart remembers that feeling of home, and I can’t help it, my soul sighs and embraces the sensation, I miss him, the him I fell in love, my hearts desire, he left everyone else as blurry blank imitations of my-perfect-for-me-guy. Grief punches me hard and confuses me. He calls when I don’t return his texts, his voice a sirens song, I cut the conversation short, hang up and begin to cry.

Breathing. Or how to knock the smile off his face.

I’ve been ill

Fortune smiled down on the feckless fuckwitt and before I had the chance to flex my kerb kicking leg, he was by my side, concern filling his green eyes, weary with worry instead of guilt, he shook off his disgrace and slipped into his hero costume and began to relax.

I inhaled.

The return of his confident smile annoyed me, It irritated me watching him slip back into the boyfriend role, erasing his idiocy with cooked meals, get well flowers and tender words of endearments.

The thing is, he hadn’t realised what a good job he and she had made of completely gutting the peace out of my heart, leaving an empty space to nurture my humiliation and  to tend my defences.

I asked him those questions about them, the ones he hoped my lips would never give birth to.

Inside, I exhaled, and watched him deflate as my words chased the cocksure smile off his silly beautiful face.