tumblinas.

…last night or things not to do when you’re failing in love.

the bed seemed too foreign without him next to me, I let the darkness take my hurt and hide it outside the door. Lost and grieving, his arms a familiar space where I could chase sleep and pretend that I didn’t know those same arms belonged to a man skilled in fuckwittery.

He wanted reassurance through tenderness, his lips touched my neck,and I moved away, but the feel of his tears on my shoulder kept me still when his hand rested on my hip. His hurt stung me and I wished I didn’t care, wished I could be more like him.

So, I fucked him. Selfishly. Dodging his attemps to make love, shielding my soul behind my rage, out of his reach.

I woke up and the morning handed back my hurt along with passengers humilation and shame.  I left quietly and waited till I knew he would be at work before returning home.

His text message complete with a kiss an hour later, made me cry.

it’s the hope that keeps us holding on.

why is it that every time i feel a little lonely, i come running back to you. i just get my hopes up for someone who could care less about me. then, it all turns into dissapointment. you made me think about doing things i would never do. the crazy part? i actually considered it. i was willing to risk my values all for someone who just wants another easy girl.

guess what? i’m not easy. i am a strong minded woman with a future so bright, i can’t even see it.

this one’s for the girls who have faith that there is a man out there who is just right for us. he cares about us, and respects us. he loves us more than we could ever imagine.

because every woman deserves a man like that.

not a stupid little boy.

…love, am I a fool to believe in you?

I’m here again. So familiar this place, that I don’t even reach the shearing engulfing rage I felt the first time. I wont ever feel that way again, wont ever cry the pain of losing my punchdrunklove vision of my ”perfect for me man”  I watched him trying to hide his true self, trying to weave half truths, soothe and beguile me with his beautiful tears, his regret, his sorrow,  his promise to change, his vow to make us work, his vow to never speak to her again.

But i’m here again.