tumblinas.

My mother.

My mother is not someone who’s stable…for the past 8 years, she’s gone through bouts of sobriety, mixed in with bouts of drinking (up until 2001, she was stone cold sober for over 20 years), all while claiming to be a victim of addiction and depression.  I’ve distanced myself.  A lot.  I went to college in Upstate NY, and “settled” here in NJ/NY.  I rent a basement apartment from my uncle, who owns a two family house.  I pay rent every month on time, and he leaves me the hell alone.  I literally see him MAYBE quarterly, and just tape my rent checks to his door.  His wife occasionally does laundry (the washer/drier is in my apartment), but they never bother me.  I have complete freedom, which I think I’ve more than earned after years of family drama.

My grandmother, who is 82 and can no longer live alone, moved in with my aunts about two years ago.  My aunts poured money into renovating a two family home so she could live there…floor to ceiling renovations…tens of thousands of dollars.  The one rule was that my uncle (who is a giant douche) could not visit.  He had moved into a one bedroom home with my grandmother a few years earlier that my aunts owned and grandmother rented, without asking permission and my grandmother was furious that my aunts did not accept the living situation.  So what did she do?  This past Christmas she invited him to visit her at the new home, even though that was THE ONLY rule…no Jimmy allowed.  When my aunt’s partner stood up to my grandmother, a huge fight ensued, where my grandmother said it was HER home and she could have visitors if she wished (even though nothing is in her name and my aunts spent the money to renovate the place).  Jimmy was not permitted to visit, and my aunt and grandmother decided on like, Christmas Eve to come to NJ for the holidays.  ANYWAY, long story short, my grandmother claims to no longer be welcome in my aunts’ home, and has somehow convinced my mother to move up to NJ, after 10+ years in Florida.  My mother agreed, and they’re moving in together, in the apartment above mine on May 1st. 

My mother and I spoke last night (a la Easter) and she mentioned that she’s “expecting weekly family dinners” and that I’ll take my grandmother a few times a month for the day so she can “relax.”  My take:  I did not volunteer any services to my grandmother or to my mother.  Neither of them have really been there for me when I truly needed them, and I’m confused as to why I’m suddenly expected to step up.  I know my mother doubts living with my grandmother will be easy, and I think she’s expecting that I’ll pick up the slack - which I will not.  I know I sound like a horrible person, but when my family is involved in my life, there is massive drama.  I’m actually looking to move now so that I don’t have the intrusion of family members assuming that I have an open door policy.  What do I do?