tumblinas.

So I had some time to write and ...

So I haven’t really posted anything of substance on here in quite some time, mostly because all my substance has been sucked away by school. But now that most of my really important finals are done I have not only had a chance to think for my own enjoyment but maybe even to write a little.

It all started today at lunch when my fiancee and I were remembering the girl that a) acted like my friend b) discouraged me from liking my fiancee c) was spreading rumors about me behind my back my sophomore year of college. That girl was the last straw for me and since then I have literally never hung out with a girl outside of a class room setting (its not as depressing as it sounds, only sometimes).

Well, this theme oddly continued throughout the day partly by my vigorous watching of gossip girl and partly due to the conversation that we started to randomly have with my family this evening.

We were basically discussing why girls are such bitches and my mum and I had one story and my dad and brother had another. We could not understand each other because my dad (using words like supercilious and reductionist) was saying that he believed that a lot of it had to do with the fact that women through history and even today do not enjoy the same freedoms as men and thus are emotionally frustrated. My mum and I were saying that we think we are simply mean, that’s where my dad called us reductionist. Then he elaborated and explained that these women are so frustrated and so lacking in self-confidence that they fear that anyone could take away what they had clawed to have. I didn’t understand this till I realized that he was right because I may not be one of those girls doesn’t mean that is not why they are like that. That girl from my sophomore year definitely had no self-confidence and as I learned later was constantly worrying that I would steal her job and secretly wanted my then-crush and now-fiancee.

I have always felt animosity towards myself from girls, pretty much as early as elementary school. When you are young its because you are pretty, then as you get older it becomes more about careers, men, purses, gossip, etc. Whatever you have that they don’t is fair game. I hate this. No guy, even my ex-boyfriend aka “the antichrist” has ever caused me as much pain, tears, and heartache as girls have over the course of my life. I don’t want to sound bitter but at this point I have been betrayed by every single one that I was “close” to.

So what do I do now? I have one and only one best friend and HIS name is Kevin (he also happens to be my fiancee). I go to school and I am friendly with girls in class but as soon as class is over I am gone. And I like it this way. No drama, no rumors, and most importantly no heartache.

P.S. The only time this kind of sucks is realizing that you can’t have a bridal shower because you have no one to invite (except tumblr friends :)).

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