tumblinas.

Photo

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 22:34:48 -0500

May your days be merry and bright Tumblinas!

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 11:50:48 -0500

May your days be merry and bright Tumblinas!

"There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t because I thought I’d be happy alone. It was..."

Sun, 22 May 2011 03:00:02 -0400

““There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t because I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever””

- Meredith Grey; Grey’s Anatomy Season 7 Episode 22

an-erotic-alchemy: <3 <3

Fri, 08 Apr 2011 00:41:03 -0400

an-erotic-alchemy:

<3 <3

Rose Cordial ♥

Thu, 07 Apr 2011 14:07:40 -0400

1 quart rose petals
“a little more than 1 quart” water
Another quart rose petals
1/2 to 1 pound sugar
1 to 2 quarts brandy, vodka or grain alcohol
1 ounce broken stick cinnamon
1 ounce coriander

Pour lukewarm water over petals. Cover and let stand for 24 hours. Strain, squeezing the petals as hard as you can muster. Add the second quart of petals into the rose water. Stand for 48 hours. Strain and squeeze hard again. If you’ve got more petals, consider doing it another round or two until you have strongly rose-scented water. Then add all the other ingredients (obviously, add to taste, and your first attempt will be a blind guess). Stand for 3-4 weeks. Strain and bottle.

Photo

Thu, 07 Apr 2011 14:03:25 -0400

I don't even like cats

Thu, 10 Mar 2011 01:09:09 -0500

Usually, following a break-up, I’m a mess. This time is no different. However, I’m not licking my wounds and drowning in Ben and Jerry’s Mint Cookie. I’m sick with guilt over this: My ex is hurting, miserable and devastated. I did it. I used to think it was such a crock of shit when people would say they loved someone but weren’t in love with them. I’m one of those people now. I could have stayed with him. Fast forward a couple years and we’d have been married. I’d be miserable and he’d by miserable vicariously. I wish we could fast forward to the part where he meets someone else, and she is as crazy about him as he is about her. He’ll think of me, of our break up and finally understand why I had to do it. It is because I care about him so much, because I love him so much that I want to see him happy, even if it isn’t with me. He’s a beautiful person and it’s what he deserves.

I could have done the selfish thing and stayed. Maybe, I’d cheat or find myself wondering about a guy I’d pass on the street and locked eyes with. I could have stayed just to avoid being lonely..

Is this maturity? Did I let the best man I’ve known slip through my fingers because I’m looking for magic? Will I regret this? These are the questions that plague me. I can’t be ruled by my fear of being the cat lady or Aunt Gladys from Home for the Holidays.

"A person who cannot imagine the future is a person who cannot contemplate the results of his..."

Sat, 01 Jan 2011 14:43:52 -0500

““A person who cannot imagine the future is a person who cannot contemplate the results of his actions. Some are thus paralyzed into inaction.””

- Alan Lightman (Einstein’s Dreams)

What does he think? I’ve been sitting here, with bated breath, anxiously waiting for his...

Tue, 19 Oct 2010 00:44:46 -0400

What does he think? I’ve been sitting here, with bated breath, anxiously waiting for his call? As far as endings go, ours was not tragic. There was no shouting and no tears. It was anti-climatic. You drove me to the airport. We hugged and kissed goodbye. As I walked toward the sliding automatic doors, I willed myself not to turn around and steal one last glance. Me being me, and my will that of al dente pasta, I turned around. What did I see? You looking at me, your eyes were wet.

I cried in the airplane bathroom. I’d worried that I was being too sentamental. That I’d built this up to be more than what it was. I don’t know who long distance relationships work for. Days turned into weeks going by with me wondering if I should call or why you hadn’t called, I surrendered to the idea that we’d just had a fling. You found me on Facebook and I’d thought maybe it was fate or something. Here we are years after we first met, single and no children. You’d just moved to Miami and I was going for one of my girlfriend’s birthday.

I was wrong. It was what it was.

Imagine my surprise when you called. And then I see you, a year later and you’re hugging me so tight and saying all these things.

And I don’t feel anything. I have someone else in my life.

But, you invade my thoughts. Not you exactly, more like a montage of what ifs. I’d be a complete fuck head if I risked what I have now. For what? Opaqueness? I realized the other day, that I don’t know anything about your life now. You answer questions without answering questions. I like the crossword in the Times as well as anyone, but this shouldn’t be like that.

So, why’d you call me?

Nowhere

Tue, 03 Aug 2010 02:23:00 -0400

It’s laughable. I went to dinner with my ex tonight. We’ve been wearing our friends’ hats for quite some time and it works for us. I’ve moved on and I love my boyfriend. Still, it was like being slapped in the face when I heard ‘my girlfriend’ come out of his mouth. I think I did a good job of appearing uneffected. Except, wanting to appear uneffected probably made me look effected. Ay yi yi.

What’s the deal? And then I thought, why was it her and not me? The crazy part is, my next thought was, I wonder if he felt like this when he first heard me talk about my boyfriend? The thought never occurred to me then.

The ex situation isn’t so black and white after all.

Maybe you can’t be friends with an ex. Listening to him talk about her made me feel like I had to pretend we never were. Like in order for us to be friends, we had to start from the end of our relationship, which is no place at all.

Why can't this end?

Sun, 11 Jul 2010 09:43:00 -0400

It’s 5am and I can’t sleep, I’m crying again and I feel lost and weak.

I found his telephone bill, its my account.

The night we broke up, he’d been with her.

Drunk, he’d called me to pick him from up from to bring him *home*

And since that day, he’s lied about them, not having the decency

to show me his true face

even now, when he’s walked away.

And

I’m no good now.

I cant cope,

I just

keep

breaking

not

healing

I just

want to feel

loved

Crossing bridges

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 15:27:30 -0400

Yesterday. He turned up at the door.

He looked the same but different, not my Gareth,

he reminded me of another time, when I loved him.

I’m different too.

Old beguiled me would have been happy to see him standing there

Old stupid me would have reached out and pulled him close

planting kisses and smiles on his body.

But I’m different now.

Yesterday I opened the door and

resented him being in my space

demanding, and arrogant expecting me to be plyable

a thing to manipulate.

He left enraged - I wouldnt do as I was told.

I closed the door and set another bridge on fire.

Things we never listen to.

Sun, 04 Jul 2010 10:36:31 -0400

But

I’ve been thinking about him a lot today, finding out the things my family would never tell me

Things I wouldnt have listened to.

And I remembered a conversation between his ex girlfriend and I. She admitted she had left him because she had

known they wouldnt have worked, her parents. friends and family hadn’t liked him.

I was at the honeymoon stage, through rose tinted glasses I had bristled with anger, thinking her silly and immature.

I had defended him protected him and never repeated her words, so fragile his ego it would have hurt him to know that truth.

Six years later

I wonder how I didn’t hear what she had said.

Not waiting to exhale...

Sun, 04 Jul 2010 10:35:28 -0400

Its been 15 days since he left, I only know this because I had to stop and count them.

I thought it had been longer.

I haven’t been counting the days, or missing him (all the time)

I’m not heartbroken, or devasted or pining away waiting for him to come back.

I’ve been waking up, becoming stronger, lighting bridges and watching them burn.

Growing, and glowing, smiling, and happier, enjoying me without him.

Not suspicious, aprehensive, insecure or moody.

Just me without him and all that shit he boxed me in with.

Just me,

me again,

old me,

Not waiting to exhale

sayingimages: How To Cure Sadness

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 11:32:20 -0400

sayingimages:

How To Cure Sadness

day5

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 08:00:24 -0400

I’m not ok.

I’m not anything.

I want to stop feeling.

I want to stop thinking.

I want to stop remembering.

I want to stop missing him.

I want to just stop.

Today I made it to 12.55

I want to stop crying.

(via iheartyouso)

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 19:10:18 -0400

(via iheartyouso)

Saying Images | Images with Quotes

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 18:51:21 -0400

Saying Images | Images with Quotes

day4

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 18:29:36 -0400

I was doing OK.

Really, I was doing a little bit fine.

I was beginning to grow into the space that was left.

becoming acustomed to the weight of the hurt.

I was still missing Us, still feeling abandoned and lost

but no tears today,

I was doing OK.

The text came, I saw it at 4.30.

a handful between us, I don’t want to see him, I will sort out moving the car, his stuff

I told him to leave me alone.

I don’t want to set eyes on him ever again.

I was doing OK.

Then he pulled me under

He had screwed up, probably made the biggest mistake of his life.

Probably?

I didn’t reply.

I want to be OK

day3

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 15:33:11 -0400

And I hold back the tears till half past 3 when I’m driving home

and the realisation punches me hard - He’s left me.

The hurt is unbearable

I pine for 5 days ago when I could touch him, hold him and wrap myself

around him, I could love him naively, trusting that I would never be living my days

counting breathes that arent weighted down with tears.

I can’t see through the tears and have to pull over.

It’s 4.15 - two more hours till he doesn’t come home.